Family Guy's Road Trip: The Powerpuff Girls
by Blackspiderman
Summary: FGRT Episode 2. The second stop on the 'Dollars for Diabetes' Music tour is Townsville, home of the Powerpuff Girls, where Peter gets them into their wackiest adventure yet. Meanwhile, one of them falls in love with Stewie. Rated T for safety reasons.
1. A Whole 'Nother Adventure!

**Family Guy's Extra Special Road Trip**

**Peter's Super Best Super Powered Adventure Ever**

**Episode Summary: After their stop in Danville with Phineas and Ferb, the Griffins continue their road trip, and this time make a stop in the infamous City of Townsville, the home of the Powerpuff Girls. While they are there, Stewie gets into trouble when one of the girls falls head over heels for him, and Peter gets into legal trouble when he accidentally insults the mayor of the city for his stupidity, and criticizes the girls for their superheroin duties. So to make amends, he kidnaps them and takes them back to Rhode Island to show them how to have fun like normal 5 year old tools.**

**Disclaimer: _The Powerpuff Girls_ and_ Family Guy_ do not belong to me. They belong to Craig McCracken and Seth MacFarlane respectively.**

**TV-PG-DLV**

* * *

**Prologue**

We pick up where the last episode left off, with the Griffin family harboring in Danville, the home of Phineas and Ferb.

It was a bright, new day. 8:00 in the morning, to be precise. Phineas, Ferb, along with everyone else in the neighborhood were sleeping peacefully. Normally, though, the two brothers would be awake by this time, but considering they were awake the night before until 5 in the morning helping the New Rat Pack with their telethon, it's no surprise they're still asleep. It's no surprise everyone's still asleep...

_A-WELL-A-EVERYBODY'S HEARD ABOUT THE BIRD!  
A-WELL-A BIRD BIRD BIRD. B-BIRD'S THE WORD!_

Everyone, except for Peter Griffin, the man whose stupidity knows no bound. The minute he walked through the front doors of his temporary home, he picked up beers and drank 'til he couldn't drink no more. Which means he' still drinking.

The barbaric booms of the stereos playing 'Surfin' Bird' immediately woke Phineas and Ferb up, and boy were they not happy. And neither was their father, Lawrence Fletcher.

"Well, what's all that racket out there?"

"Oue new idiot neighbors have been playing that stupid 'Surfin' Bird' song for 3 hours straight. It's driving me nuts!" Phineas shouted, grinding his teeth together to drown out the song. "We were all up all night helping out Brian with his concert to raise money, so you'd think the least they'd do would be to let us sleep a little."

"Well, that's the trouble with idiots. They never know when to stop."

"Actually, I believe the proper term for that man is 'retard'." Ferb commented angrily, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. Phineas immediately picked up the phone in his room and started dialing the next house.

When the phone started ringing, Peter stopped the music and picked it up. "Hello? Griffin residence."

"Um, yeah. Could you turn down the music a little bit!?"

"Who is this!?"

"You're joking, right? It's me, Phineas! Your neighbors? We were at the concert last night until 5 am, and we're very tired. The neighborhood is tired. So if you could kindly shut the music off for about another 5 hours, that would be great!"

"Well, sir, while I may be an idiot, if there's one thing I'm not, that sir, is an idiot. Now put the phone down and go f#ck yourself. I'm trying to listen to my music." And with that, Peter angrily hung up the phone and put the music back on, this time even louder than before.

While Phineas and Ferb tried covering their ears with their pillows, desperately trying to block out the erupting noise from the stereo, another neighbor has already had her filling of 'Surfin' Bird'. Her name was Isabella Garcia-Shapiro, neighbor and now girlfriend of Phineas Flynn. SHe had also been up all night helping the talent show, and now, just wanting to get some well deserved sleep, had to endure the torture that was Peter.

Angry and fed up with the music, she jumped out of bed, put on her robe and slippers, and marched right out the front door and towards his house, which was conveniently right next to Phineas's. She marched up to the front door and started banging on it really hard.

"HEY, YOU IN THERE! YOU'VE BEEN PLAYING THAT STUPID SONG FOR HOURS, AND WE'RE ALL SICK OF IT!" She shouted as loud as she could over the music. She actually strained her voice in the process. "You've kept everyone up all night long, so we'd appreciate it if you'd just shut that music of-" She was cut off when a drunken Peter holding a beer can, came out of the house, angrily glaring at Isabella.

"Uh, hey bitch?" He smugly said. "Um, I'm trying to listen to my favorite music of all time and your nagging and yelling is making it hard for me to enjoy it."

"What!?"

"So if you don't mind shutting the hell up so I can enjoy it, I'd greatly appreciate it."

"Well, _I'd _appreciate getting back to sleep. I've been up all night with your friend, helping him with his charity auction, remember? The dog, the big guy, and the talking football?"

"Talking football? Now that's no way to talk about my son? Maybe my wife or my daughter, but not my son."

"You don't even know who I'm talking about, do you?"

"Um...I think so. What's his name again? I wanna say 'Tim'."

"Ugh!" Isabella sighed in defeat, cupping her eyebrows in frustration. She was too tired and annoyed to want to deal with Peter' stupidity. So instead of trying to talk some reason into him, she instead marched into the house, pulled the plug on the stereos, and then marched back outside and started heading back to her house. Peter, in anger, suddenly pulled out an archery set with bugs attached to the ends of the arrows

He loaded an arrow up, aimed at Isabella's house, and then shot the arrow. Instantly, when the arrow hit the home, the entire fortress became infested with termites. As Isabella started having a panic attack, Peter simply laughed at her misfortune.

"HA HA! Douchebags!"

* * *

_It seems today that all you see  
Is violence in movies and sex on TV_

_But where are those good old fashioned values  
On which we used to rely!_

_Lucky there's a Family Guy!  
Lucky there's a man who positively can do  
All the things that make us_

_Laugh and Cry_

_He's...A...Fam...ily...Guy...!_

* * *

**Chapter 1: A Whole 'Nother Adventure**

So after Isabella's house was quarantined, and the entire Garcia-Shapiro family was ej-I mean, evacuated from the home, the Griffin family was just about ready to set out for their next stop.

But before they did, they had one piece of business left to take care of (And by them, I mean Peter. After all, it was all his fault.)

The Griffin family were at the Flynn's residence, as Isabella & her mother were settling in.

"Phineas!" Lawrence yelled to his son upstairs. "Isabella's here!" Despite Phineas's sleep deprived state, he was very excited to hear that Isabella was here, and he immediately raced down, not even getting dressed. He was too excited to see her to dress himself. Thankfully, Isabella was also in her P.J's, so Phineas didn't look like some sort of autistic grade-schooler.

He slid down the guard rails on the staircase, and rushed over to Isabella and greeted her with a giant hug. Though Isabella and Phineas now knew they liked each other so much, she didn't expect to be greeted by a bear hug today.

"Hi Phineas!" She said gleefully, though a bit overwhelmed by the hug. "W-What are you doing?"

"What? I can't show my girlfriend how much I like her?" He joked back, as Isabella smiled and enjoyed the hug, even kissed him on his forehead, while Mrs. Garcia-Shapiro brought in the luggage.

"Thank you so much again for letting us stay here while our house is being dis-infected." Mrs. Garcia said to Lawrence.

"Oh no sweat. It's a pleasure to have you here, and you can stay here as long as you need to."

"YAY! SLEEPOVER!" Phineas and Isabella yelled to each other as they hugged again and then ran upstairs to his room.

"So by the way, whatever did happen to your house?" Lawrence asked Mrs. Garcia, whom paid no attention to him. Instead, Lois, standing at the door, took the pleasure in answering him.

"My husband accidentally unleashed 10,000 termites into their house." She said, gritting her teeth. "And half of them were infected with Salmonella."

"Dear me."

"You and me both. Peter does the absolute dumbest things, like when he was first introduced to exercise equipment."

_(Cue Cutaway)_

_We cutaway to Los Angeles, California, more specifically, the 123-acre Humming Bird Nest Ranch, home of **The Biggest Loser**. We go inside the gym, early in the morning. Peter is the first one in the gym in his workout clothes, but sadly, he is not working out. Instead, he spent the night decorating one of the gym's treadmills into a reindeer. Kim Lyons, one of the trainers, was not pleased._

_"Dude, what the hell are you doing?"_

_"Oh, up already?_ _Well, I did want to be a surprise," Peter began in a sing-song tone. "But I stayed up the entire night decorating this thing to look like a reindeer. Now I don't have to spend my time running to get the same results as you fat bastards. And look," He turned the treadmill on, and it was moving very quickly. "14 __miles per hour. That's the fastest this thing goes."_

_"I'm not exactly sure you know how that thing works..."_

_"Nonsense. OK, here I go." Peter went to step on the treadmill belt, but did not start running, and instead of sweating, he was instead flown back far off the treadmill into a pile of hard, heavy weights that were lying on the floor. He crashed into them and broke many bones in his body. "AAAHHHH! OW! OW! OW! OW!! OUCH, OH GODDAMMIT! OOOWWW! Why didn't someone tell me this would happen? OWW! AHHH! OW!" With Peter's injury, he was officially out of the game._

_That only left 11 contestants to compete: an uneven number. So the producers decided to hold a viewer's vote sweepstakes with NBC's The Today Show. And as luck would have it, a Texan paramedic named Amber Walker won, and she was chosen to be on the Biggest Loser and put on Kim Lyon's team. After hearing the news, though, Peter was not pleased, and rudely mouthed off to Kim, shooting out nearly 40 F-bombs in 5 minutes, and then threatened to burn the place down. He did not carry out this threat._

_(End Cutaway)_

* * *

After Isabella and her mother were settled in with Phineas & his family, the Griffin family did not wait around to be yelled at by anyone, and immediately took off for their next stop on their 'Dollars for Diabetes' music tour. Frank, Brian, & Stewietook the tour bus, while the rest of the family rode in the sedan.

"Oh boy, this is the life!" Peter exclaimed while he was driving. "On the road, no rules, no lousy neighbors, and no way I could owe tbe Brewery any money for accidentally um...destroying their, um...mascot..."

_(Cue Cutaway)_

_We cut to the PawtucketPatriot Brewery, where Angela is outside holding up a costume of a beer bottle up to Peter. The costume has a pee stain on it because Peter was drunk when he used it and believed himself to be an astronaut._

_"What, I thought you could just go in the suit. You know, like the astronauts!"_

_(End Cutaway)_

"Um, Peter, I think we went through that when we came here to Danville." Lois replied.

"Yes, I know, Captian Obvious. There's nothing wrong with revisiting good flashbacks, right Meg?"

"Sure, dad. Whatever you say."

"Shut up, Meg."

While Peter was concentrating on the road, Chris couldn't help but hear some loud rattling in the trunk of the car. But when he looked back to see what it was, he couldn't help himself, and started screaming his head off, causing everyone else to start screaming as well. They came to a screeching halt in the middle of nowhere. The bus also made a short stop behind them, and Brian, Stewie, and Frank piled out.

"CHRIS! What's the matter with you?" Lois asked infuriated.

"Come look!" Chris called as the family stepped out of the car and opened up the trunk. Inside, they saw the dead body of a 2-year old girl, lying in there, covered in Chloroform.

"OH my god!" Meg yelled.

"Holy sh#t!" Peter screamed.

"What the hell's going on over he-whoa, baby." Frank said as he came up to the car and saw the dead body. "This is not good."

"OH yeah? This is also _not_ our car." Brian added, pointing out that the Griffins had accidentally taken a white stationwagon by mistake instead of their magenta sedan. "It's a white stationwagon."

"Oh my god, we took somebody else's car!" Lois screeched.

"Yeah, somebody else who has to plan a funeral." Frank said flatly, not even understanding the situation.

"Dad, what do we do?" Chris asked his father.

"Don't worry, Chris. We'll do the right thing. We have to return everything to the way it was before we left Danville..."

However, instead of returning the car to Danville, which they "took by accident", Peter took the body out of the car and double-bagged it, placing a heart-shaped sticker over the mouth of the body, and then duck-taping it together. Then, he dragged the bags out into the woods of Danville, similar to the place he found the first body. Then he ran all the way back to Danville, which was over 40 miles away, got the right car, and drove back to the same spot to pick up his family, and then they all took off. As of today, nobody has spoken of that event.

* * *

Many hours later, while the family were still driving along the road, Lois couldn't help but notice that the car began shaking rapidly. She grew more and more worried as time passed.

"Peter, are you sure this is our car?"

"Yes, Lois. It's our car because it has my 'Surfin' Bird' remix tapes in it."

"Then did you make sure to fill up with gasoline?"

"Check."

"ALl our belongings are in the trunk of the car?"

"Yep."

"Fill up on oil?"

"Nope." Peter replied smugly, before replying with "Sorry, Lois." All of the sudden, the car started shaking so fast, Peter could not control it, even with the steering wheel. So, they were forced to make a crash landing into a nearby home, with the bus slowly stopping right behind them, showing no signs of damage at all.

The family all piled out of their vehicles and observed their new location. Frank checked the map to see where exactly they were. "Hmm...well if this map is accurate, it says we're somewhere in New Jersey. Townsville, New Jersey to be exact."

"Oh man, I have a bad feeling about this." Peter remarked, trembling a bit. "I hope the mayor here isn't Jewish, either."

"Peter!" Lois yelled sternly to her husband.

"What? No offense, but I am not comfortable with Jewish mayors, I'm just not. Call me supersticious, but I do not tolerate Jewish people with power: especially Jeff Goldblum and Chris Tucker.

Meanwhile, the owner of the house that Peter crashed into ran outside as soon as he heard the crash. He was a slightly-taller-than-average man with a white lab coat, and a pipe in his hand. He went by only: Professor Utonium.

"What in Heaven's name is going on out here!?" He shouted. "My house!"

"_Your_ house? Oh, oh this is just perfect, Lois!" Peter shouted. "Not even three minutes and already we meet up with such a selfish little tool like this guy!"

"Selfish tool? Dude, you freakin' crashed your car into my house!"

"It was an accident, man. I ran out of oil and I lost control of the car. It's not like last year when I accidentally crashed my car into the Rhode Island power plant."

"Peter, that wasn't you. That was in 'The Simpsons'." Brian pointed out.

"Oh yeah. But I did crash into the Quahog Cable Television Transmitter."

"Yes, and then you bribed your daughter with a convertible to take the hit for it."

"I don't remember that part. I mean, Chris isn't even old enough to drive, yet."

"That's because Chris is your son. Meg's your daughter?"

"Who? No, I think you mean 'Jodi'."

"Who the hell is Jodi?"

"What the hell does a girl named 'Jodi' have to do with all this?"

Brian slapped his forehead in defeat.

"Look, my girls are going to be home any minute, and I'm trying to make the house as neat as possible for them. After all, they do have very busy lives."

"Your 'Girls', huh?"

"Peter, I'm sure he means his daughters, right?"

"Um, yes."

"Oh." Peter replied sadly. "You know, cause I kinda thought that you were some horny nymphomaniac because the only sex-obsessed guy that I know lives back in Rhode Island, while I'm stuck out here supporting some douchebag and his classical music band."

"And with that, you're referring to me, Frank, and Stewie."

"Oh yeah. Who's Stewie?"

Brian & Peter's argument was beginning to escalate, but before they could start yelling, three toddler figures were floating right above their heads. Wearing their signature colors, pink, light blue, and light green, they were the heroins of the city (and no, you can't smoke them). They went by the names, Blossom (pink), Bubbes (Blue), and Buttercup (Green). Initially, the Griffin family were shocked and dismayed to see floating kindergarteners in front of them. Peter's jaw was even to the ground.

"Professor, we're all done!" Blossom called out as the three of them floated down to the ground. That was when she noticed the family standing there. "Who are these people?"

"Boy, this is...awkward. I don't think there's ever been a time where I've been this confused."

"I think I can name one." Stewie retorted to Peter.

_(Cue Cutaway)_

_We cut to an semi-abandoned parking lot. Only a few cars were there, Peter's sedan being one of them. His keys were out of the car, but for some unexplainable reason, he wasn't. He had locked his keys out of the car and he couldn't get them back._

_"Dammit. Uh, hey! Somebody!" He shouted through the window to try and get someone's attention. A bypasser went by without even glancing towards him. "Um, excuse me, sir? Sir? Ok sir? Sir, you see those keys? You see those keys? Sir? Sir! S-oh screw you!" He had finally given up trying to get his attention, and instead took a clothes hanger, took it apart, and slipped the little hook through the crack between the window and the top part. He moved it carefully to get to the keys. He finally did hook on the keys, but they fell off, and he accidentally let go of the hook. __"Waaaaaaahh! Man, I'm screwed now, huh, Brian?"_

_He looked to the back seat to see his dog lying on the seat, extremely drunk, wearing a 'Dunce' hat, and urinating on the seats. "I'm the biggest idiot ever!"_

_(End Cutaway)_

Brian could not help but stare angrily at Stewie after he added in that final part about Brian being 'the Biggest Idiot ever'. "OH come on, Brian. Even _you_ can't hide it anymore. You're a prick, end of story."

**End of Chapter 1!**

**Next Time: The Griffins learn first hand about 'The Powerpuff Girls', and while some of the family is delighted to meet them, others would rather be out having sex with a diabetic.**

**Expected Update: **Not for awhile. See, while I was writing this chapter, I came up with another story idea involving Phineas and Ferb. Well, actually, two of them, which I'll list below. That being said, I'll still be working on this story defenitely. But don't expect another chapter for at least another 2 1/2 weeks.

**Here's what's coming up form Blackspiderman:**

**The Flynns meet Dr. Phil...Sort of...**: Candace, frustrated that her mother thinks she's crazy about Phineas and Ferb, takes them to see Dr. Phil, though comes into a big surprise when someone else is sitting in for him. Meanwhile, Perry is set up with his biggest mission yet, which...oddly enough, does not involve Dr. Doofenshmirtz. (Hint hint: Look for this under the 'American Dad' sections. Should be up in about a week, by February 26th the latest.)

**The Chronicles of Phisabella: A Love Tale of Pricks: **The tales of Phineas and Isabella after their get together in 'Family Guy's Road Trip'. FInd all of their latest love adventures in here. Plus, catch Perry in his cool missions to stop Dr. Doofenshmirtz.

**Until Then, Read & Review!**


	2. Dreadful Truth

**Family Guy's Extra Special Road Trip (Season 1)**

**Episode 2: Peter's Super Best Super Powered Adventure Ever**

**Chapter 2: Dreadful Truth**

**Disclaimer: _The Powerpuff Girls_ and_ Family Guy_do not belong to me. They belong to Craig McCracken and Seth MacFarlane respectively.**

**TV-PG-DLV**

* * *

As the three superheros landed softly on the ground after a job well done, the Griffin family could not help but stare, jaw-dropped at the three little five-year olds. The girls could not help it and stared back, not aware of what exactly was going on.

"What?" The pink one, Blossom, finally said after a silence. "What are you staring at?"

While no one of the family responded right away, Peter's facial expression did change. It went from pure, utter shock to total anxiety and rage. He soon charged at the pink one and without warning, started beating her up, all while yelling "WHO SOLD YOU THE DRUGS!?" in her face. The rest of the family, after coming to, of course, rushed over and tried to pull Peter away.

"Peter, what the hell is wrong with you!?" Lois yelled to her husband.

"Duh, I don't know, Lois. Why don't you ask "Humpy Houdini" here!?" Peter shouted, pointing to Blossom. "I mean, I don't see no magic wand or anything with her so unless she's some sort of pothead, or something, I ain't buying it."

"Hey!"

"My daughter is no smoker!" Professor yelled to him. "If you'd just let me explain--" But Peter would have nothing of it, and instead proceeded to put a gun to her head.

"You have five seconds to tell me who the f#ck sold you those drugs or I'll f#cking shoot you!" He shouted, straining his voice in rage. As the Professor screamed, Bubbles & Buttercup rushed over to try and pull Peter away from her before he shot. Luckily, though, Peter was handling an empty gun, so there was no chance of harming anyone. But that didn't stop the two Powerpuffs from getting him away from Blossom. "Get away from me, she's dangerous!"

"Sir, please!" Professor Utonium ran up to Peter and helped him off the ground, and blocked his path towards Blossom. "Look, I have a very believable and reasonable explination as to my girls' superpowers."

"Oh this should be good. Hang on a sec." Peter reached into his back pocket and pulled out some bullets, and loaded his gun. Then he took out a beer can, and held it in his left hand with the gun up to his head in his right hand. "OK, shoot."

The Professor glared at Peter angrily, but gave up and started explaining himself. "Well, you see--"

* * *

**__**

**_We're sorry. Due to nobody in hell wanting to hear Professor Utonium rant on and on and on about the Powerpuff Girls' creation, this broadcast of "Family Guy's Road Trip" has been interrupted._**

**_Instead, it is our pleasure to bring you this exciting installment of 'Fan Mail for Stewie'_**

"Thank you, Regis. Well, while our favorite fatass listens to that tool droll on and on, you get the chance to sit here and listen to me open fan letters from undeserving dicks. Let's see..." Stewie dug around in his mailbag and pulled out a letter, opened it, and proceeded to read it. "This one is from Matthew Sanchez in Los Angeles, California. 'Dear Stewie, why did Family Guy creator Seth MacFarlane make Peter such a retard? Was it because of his own hatred towards his father?' Well, that's a very good question. Well, you see--"

* * *

**_We're sorry. Due to circumstances beyond our control, the rest of the script for this portion of the episode was lost while on its way overseas. We wish we could tell you we know the answer to the question. But sadly, we would be lying to you. Luckily, the Portuguese animators were able to finish this section of the episode._**

**_Sadly, our American animators were unable to translate the Portuguese's script when America received it. If you would like to see the rest of this episode, you may send in a check for $15,000 made out to Seth MacFarlane to Seth MacFarlane and in 15 to 200,000 years, he'll send you a casette containing this segment. Thank you for your understanding. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming._**

* * *

"-And that's how it all happened." The Professor concluded as he drew a big breath after finishing his story about the Powerpuff Girls' creations. He looked over at Peter, who, instead of listening to him, was busy picking at his belly button.

"I'm sorry, what? You said something about a 'lizard molesting a child or something'?" He said stupidly after having not heard a word of his story. "Sorry about that, I was too busy not caring and picking my belly button to see if I'm really growing a second penis."

Brian & Stewie shook their heads. "And it's a wonder his only real friends are a cripple, a black man, and a pervert. This is even more embarassing than when he tried to invent that two-way free-style rollerskating ramp."

_(Cue Cutaway)_

_We cutaway to the streets of the Spooner Street neighborhood, with Peter Griffin, wearing rollerskates on one side of the street, and the two ramps on the other side. This was his idea of free-style. So he started rollerblading up the street, gaining speed every chance he got. But when he came within mere feet of the actual ramps, and then finally went up on the ramps, he was met with disaster. That's because he built the ramps so they wer only big enough for one foot, but the problem was he built them too far apart. So instead of shooting off like he intended, instead, he became lodged within the ramps, and went into a complete split. "OW! OW, oh my god! My balls. Oh, my balls. Why would I do this to my balls!? OWW! OWWW! OWWWWW!"_

_(End Cutaway)_

"It took the fire department almost six hours to get the fatman down from their, and since then they've torn the ramp down." Stewie was telling Buttercup & Bubbles. "It was actually quite enjoyable to see him screaming like that in pain for six hours. I couldn't stop laughing the entire time, and...you know what, now that I think back, this probably explains why I didn't get the part for Harry Potter: The Half Blood Prince. Oh well, live and learn."

"Yeah, and the worst part is, he rarely even knows he does something wrong." Brian added.

"Really?"

"Yep. It's always just one stupid thing after another." Stewie added. "What's next? He's gonna run for village idiot, which I think would be pointless. He could win that title easily and he doesn't even have to try."

_(Cue Cutaway)_

_We cutaway to Peter Griffin, having got his arm stuck in the copier, and his boss, Angela, is staring in shock. "Uh...call for help."_

_(End Cutaway)_

Suddenly, without warning, an explosion went off downtown that drew everyone's attention. There was smoke puffing up from the buildings and soon, laser beams were seen coming from the streets.

"Oh what now?" Buttercup complained. "We just dealt with four bank robberies, isn't that enough for one day?"

"How much did they steal?"

"$3,000."

"Oh pu-leeze!" Peter shouted in sarcasm. "Back when I was in college, I once stole a priceless statue from the principal."

"Was his name principal Bronchitis?"

"Oh yeah, hey, how'd you know?"

"Because you already told us the story of how he made fun of you for your grades, so to get revenge, you vandalized his office, stole from him, and then, somehow, raped him."

"Oh yeah. Boy, that was embarassing."

_BOOM!_ Another explosion was heard, and now the girls were getting geared up to go take care of it.

"What do you think it is?" Bubbles asked.

"Maybe it's Mojo again."

"Or Princess." Blossom added.

"Maybe it's a ghost. Ghost can strike, too, you know." Bubbles commented, looking frightened.

"Bubbles, how many times do we have to go through this? They're just a figment of your imagination, Bubbles. There's no such things as ghosts."

"_No such thing!?"_A voice spooked through the air. And then as quick as it came, a small, ghost-like figure, who looked like Casper, the Friendly Ghost, flew up to the trio. "Then what do ya call me?!" THe ghost called out again to Blossom.

"Uh, a hologram? An illusion?-"

"Magic Johnson after he was diagnosed with HIV?!?" Peter called out as randomly as he could, catching everyone's attention. Desperate to think of a rebutle, he then shouted "The Portuguese have cleaner testicles than us Americans. No way, I am dead serious. They do. I noticed it after I went gay and ended up with one. (**Possibly Family Guy??)**

**_This has been 'Another Random Moment' with Peter Griffin. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming._**

The ghost-like figure took another look at the three girls, who exchanged confused looks at him. Finally, after some time passed, he let out a sigh of defeat, and then just went in and slapped Blossom's butt, causing her a jolt of pain. "HA! Talk about 'all for one and one for all', huh?"

"Hey, that wasn't very nice." Blossom roared, rubbing her rear end.

"Well whoever said I was nice? You know Casper the Friendly Ghost?"

"Yeah."

"Well I'm his brother, Jasper, the Douchebag ghost."

And with that, he proceeded to start torturing everyone in the area. He went as far as slapping the girls' rear ends several times, mostly Blossom's, calling her a 'fatass', giving them wedgies, punching out Lois & Chris, and kicking Peter in the testicles.

_Jasper the Douchebag ghost  
The douchiest ghost posessed  
He'll call you names and act real mean  
Until you feel depressed._

_He'll always say "F#ck you!  
Kiss my ass, you hippie!"  
He's so damn crude and so damn rude  
Jasper the Douchebag ghost!_

Then, as a final act of malice, he picked up a motorcycle, and drove it right into an oncoming car and when the two collided, he egnited an inferno and both vehicles exploded. The old lady driver in the car was killed, tragically, and even more tragically, it was the Professor's mother.

He ran over to her in shock and tried to resisitate her, while the others stayed behind. "Wow, that was...w-what the hell _was_that?" Brian asked, turning to Stewie.

"It was even scarier than when Peter turned his car into an aquarium on the day of his vow renewal."

_(Cue Cutaway)_

_We cutaway to Brian and Stewie, leaving the front door of their house. They are in suits, ready for Peter & Lois's vow renewal, but they are stopped when they approach the car and notice Peter already in the car, a car that's filled with water. He's locked in, and the keys are on the lawn. Peter tapped on the task several times and then pointed down towards the keys. Brian and Stewie simply stared at him, confused looks on their faces, while Peter continued tapping on the glass._

_(End Cutaway)_

After that little act of violence, the girls decided that they've had enough, and then took off towards downtown to see what the trouble was. Peter took special attention to this.

"So...uh, what exactly do they do, anyway?"

"Oh, well, you know, fight crime, stop bad guys, help old people cross the street, you know, what any superhero would do."

"Oh, you mean like Superman, Spiderman, the Incredible Hulk, Alex Rodriguez after his little steroids incident?"

"Um...no...not exactly..."

"Come on, man. You don't have to keep it a secret. You can tell old Peter here. I can keep a secret."

"No you can't, Peter!" Brian shouted. "You can't keep a secret to save your life!"

_(Cue Cutaway)_

_We cutaway to the neighborhood of Peter Griffin at 3 in the morning._

_"Hey everyone, Meg just had her first period!" He shouted so everyone could hear. "YAAAAY!-"_

_"Peter, SHUT UP!" His neighbor, Joe yelled. "It's 3 in the morning!"_

_"What the hell is going on, out there!?" Cleveland, another neighbor, yelled._

_"Dammit, Peter, we're trying to sleep!!" Quagmire retorted._

_"I'm just saying, I'm proud of her. She's a woman! Yay!"_

_"Yes Peter, that's very horny and I'll deal with it tomorrow, but right now I am exhausted!"_

_(End Cutaway)_

"So..is this...is this basically all they do?"

"Well, in a nutshell, yes."

"So they don't have any fun at all? Th-They don't go out and play with other kids their age? They just-just go out there and kick Hebrew ass? T-That sucks, man! That's just like you and your dicta-tor-y-ness, to boss your kids around like that, just like Castro or Hitler."

"It wasn't my choice, it was their choice."

"Oh sure it was." Peter's reply was sarcastic.

* * *

For the rest of that day and the next day, Peter got heavily involved with the girls' lives. Whenever he was involved in some sort of wacky activity, whether it was releasing fruit flies into some guy's car, ringing someone's doorbell and then running, taking Stewie to amusement parks, he would always ask if they wanted to join him for some fun.

But every single time, they would either decline, or an emergency would come on and they would have to go solve it. Peter, as you could probably imagine, was getting frustrated.

"God, I'm so sick of them always having to run off and solve some crappy emergency that O.J. Simpson probably caused." Peter told the Professor one day.

"Well, they are superheroes. That's what they do."

"Yeah, but is like 24/7. You know? D-Don't they have time to eat or sleep or play with children or hump things?"

"What was that last thing?"

"Play with children. Anyway, w-what's up with that? It's like their entire lives are around keeping this place safe. It's even more frustrating that when I played that Claw game at Dave n Busters."

_(Cue Cutaway)_

_We cutaway to Peter Griffin, who is steadily focused on his Claw game. He picks up an object with the claw and brings it over to the dispose bin, but before it reaches, the toy slips out of the claw's grip. Peter was mad, and did not hesitate to start cursing like a sailor. In an act of rage, he dumped a bunch of gasoline on the machine, and then dropped a lit match into the puddle. The rest, obviously, is history._

_(End Cutaway)_

"And for that matter, do they even know what the word 'fun' is?"

"Of course, don't be silly. Bubbles plays with her dollies, Blossom studies her Chinese, and Buttercup uses her punching bag. Doesn't that count as fun?" The Professor crossed his arms in triumph, while Peter fumed.

"Um, I just asked if they knew what the word 'fun' meant. I didn't ask for a damn lecture." He took a sip of his beer. He looked up in the sky and there came down Blossom, Buttercup, and Bubbles. "Oh, look who decided to come crawling back. What was it? Some sort of murder case? The mayor died of hepetitis?"

"Nah, he's just testing out the new firecrackers he installed. He blew himself up and the paramedics are on their way."

"Uh-huh. You think you're all that, don't ya?" Peter started ranting, smugly. "Think that just because you have these kinds of cool super-human-kabobic abilities that you're all that, huh? That you're all badasses. Well, you're wrong. Sacrificing your entire lives just for the safety of one f#cking city is a bunch of crap! I hope he knows what you're giving up because if he doesn't, I'll find him and I'll kick his ass. Don't think I won't, 'cause I will." And with that, Peter pulled out a pistol, loaded it up and then ran off downtown to find the mayor and kick his ass.

He was gone, though, for merely a minute, when all of a sudden, he came rushing back, battered and beaten. "I accidentally shot some midget I thought was bugging me. But then it turned out he was the mayor so he sent his gay bodyguards after me. RUN!" He took off trying to avoid the Mayor's bodyguards. Everyone had no idea what to do except to just stare in space and hope he was lying.

* * *

The next morning, everyone awoke to the peaceful chirping of the birds. Everything seemed quiet because the villians of the town were not causing any havoc in the city. It was as if they weren't even there.

"_AAAAAHHHHHH!"_And speaking of which, neither were the girls. That was the sound of Professor Utonium, yelling at the top of his lungs when he checked the bed of his daughters, only to discover they weren't there.

"_AAAAAAHHHHHHH!"_ And as if on cue, Lois started screaming when she discovered her husband was missing as well.

Immediately, the Professor and Lois ran outside and met up with each other halfway in between houses. "Hey, have you seen my girls!?" He asked in a frantic fright.

"No. Have you seen my husband!?"

"No!"

"Hey Lois!" Brian called out, yelling to her as he ran up, carrying a tape recorder. "You gotta listen to this." He pressed Play on the tape recorder, and then came on Peter's voice.

"_Uh, yes, this is a message to all of you sons of bitches who've forced these three, wonderful, fatasses lesbians to live a life of dictator ship and sex. I, Peter Griffin, have kidnapped them and taken them back to Rhode Island to show them what having fun is all about. And rest assured, they will be returned to you. But, only if they learn what fun is...or the city unanimously agrees to pay me $40,000 in quarters. And not the kinds made back in the STone Age. No, no I mean ones made from THIS year. And I want it within 48 hours or you'll never see your precious little pricks again. Oh, and uh, Lois, by the way, I hope you don't mind. But...Ialso took Stewie along. I-I figured the girls could use a motherly figure to help them with this 'FUN' journey of mine. So...uh, anyway, $40,000 or the girls. Goodday."_

The audio tape ended. No one dared to make a move for the next moment, as they were all in shock. "S-S-So he just kidnaps my kids and goes to Rhode Island to try and show them a good time."

"Yeah, I take it they'll be dead before midnight." Brian replied dryly. "His idea of fun is a cardiologist's idea of a monkey scrotum. By the way, I think he might've taken our tour bus. I looked in the garage and it wasn't there. Just a note that said 'Screw you, mutt-dog, I took your bus because it's the fastest way to Rhode Island."

"Jeez, Peter's a trooper!"

"Oh you think that's the worst?. Guess what Peter left for me in the kitchen?"

"Another note with random blatherings on it?"

"No, this jar of sperm." Brian held up a pickle jar filled with white liquids in them, as Lois held her vomit in. "_And_ this note that said, 'If you eat this, it's like Oral Sex without the genitals.' It's a wonder he can make it working at a factory that manufactures alcohol."

**End of Chapter 2!**

**Preview Time:**

_"OK, girls." Peter said to the three superheroines. "I have brought you to my home state because I feel that your home city is not a great place to be raised if all you do is fly around like a bunch of tools protecting a bunch of immature retards. Now, my mission, while we're here, is to show you how you can have fun and still keep your responsibilities. So for the next 48 hours, you are all mine. And the only way you're leaving is if you learn the true meaning of childhood. That, or your city folks give me $40 grand in quarters. But in the meantime, your butts are mine. And if you're going to be hanging out with me, you'll need the proper tools." He pulled out from behind him three beer cans and a shotgun, fully loaded. He aimed the gun at their heads, causing them to scream._

**Expected Update: Hopefully by the end of March.**


	3. Super Fun Time with Peter Griffin

**Family Guy's Extra Special Road Trip (Season 1)**

**Episode 2: Peter's Super Best Super Powered Adventure Ever**

**Chapter 3: Super Fun Time With Peter Griffin**

**Disclaimer: _The Powerpuff Girls_ and_ Family Guy_do not belong to me. They belong to Craig McCracken and Seth MacFarlane respectively.**

**TV-PG-DLV**

* * *

Meanwhile, over in Rhode Island, we rejoin our fearless idiot as he had kidnapped our three superheroines, and brought them back to Spooner Street.

He looked back at the passenger's seat to see that all three were still there. They were all fast asleep, and Blossom was snoring loudly. He took them out and dumped them onto his lawn. When they finally did open their eyes and they saw Peter hovering over them, they let out loud screams that even caused him to scream.

They all stood up and looked around at their surroundings, and then suddenly realized that they weren't in Townsville, anymore. They all screamed again, to which Peter responded by splashing them with his beer.

"Shh, shut up. You wanna wake up the neighbors. Down here, it's still 5 in the morning and most people like to sleep through 'Leave it to Beaver'."

"T-This isn't Townsville! Where the hell are we?" Blossom immediately asked.

"Geez, don't get so uptight about it. But if you must know, I kidnapped you from your bed while you were sleeping and took you to my hometown."

"W-Why!?"

"Well, to be honest, your father was seemingly like a douche to me. He-He wouldn't let you girls have any fun or play with toys or any of that stuff."

"Yeah, but _we're_ the ones who decided to do it."

"Yeah, it was our choice to become superheros and protect our city, not the Professor's." Bubbles added.

"Really? B-But what the hell is it with you adressing him as 'Professor', no 'Dad' or 'Daddy' or Magic Johnson? Isn't he, like, your biological daddy or something?"

"Wow, were you not listening to him when he was telling you about us?" Blossom asked, upset and frustrated with Peter's ignoarance and idiocy.

"No, I'm not good with listening to lectures. That's why I dropped out of college. That and because I raped the principal, but that's a different story. Anyway, you know, it's too bad you guys aren't rich, like my father-in-law. Then you could live the suite life and not have to worry about those people. You wouldn't have to worry about them and you'd be able to live your own life."

"No thanks. Being rich doesn't settle well with us."

"Yeah," Bubbles added. "We once met this one guy, Carter Pewterschmidt, well, he's rich too, and when we went to visit him, he treated us like dirt."

"'Carter Pewterschmidt'?"

"Yes."

"Oh my god, that's my father-in-law!"

"Really?"

"Yeah! He's such a tool, isn't he?"

"Oh totally." Buttercup agreed in anger. "He called me a filthy cow and a 'hob-knocker' about 12 times that day. What does that even mean?"

"Oh, you know, something that has to do with Nadia Suliaman. Anyway, he's a jerk. I married his daughter and he's treated me like crap ever since. He's like Christian Bale, only without the rage."

_(Cue Cutaway)_

**_A/N: The following is an audio file of Christian Bale's outburst during production of 'The Terminator Salvation'. (And a parody of the recent Family Guy episode 'Ocean's Three and a Half'. Viewer Discretion is advised._**

_**Bale: **I want you off the f#cking set you prick!_

_**Peter:** Sorry._

_**Bale: **No, don't just be sorry. Think for one f#cking second!_

_**Peter:** I dropped a peanut M&M and it rolled over here._

_**Bale: **Am I gonna walk around and rip your f#cking lights down in the middle of a scene?_

_**Peter: **Those are Christmas lights. I put them up to make everybody happy._

_**Bale:** Then why the f#ck are you walking right through - uh, duh-duh, duh-duh, like this in the background? What the f#ck is it with you?_

_**Peter:** Boy, you are gonna owe a fortune to the sweat jar._

_**Bale: **You got any f#cking idea about, "Hey, it's f#cking distracting, having someone walking up behind Bryce in the middle of the f#cking scene!" Gimme a f#cking answer!_

_**Peter: **I-I don't get it._

_**Bale: **What don't you get about it?_

_**Peter: **I-I just-I don't get why we need another 'Terminator'. I just-I don't-I don't get it. Oh, and uh, by the way, sorry, I ate that last piece of pie that you were saving for yourself._

_**Bale: **Oh good for you! And how was it?_

_**Peter: **It was good._

_**Bale:** I hope it was f#cking good because it's useless now, isn't it?_

_**Peter: **Well, it's nourishing me, so that's...that's useful._

_**Bale: **F#ck's sake, man, you amateur._

_**Peter:** I don't know that word._

_**Bale: **Stay off the f#cking set, man. Right, let's go again._

_**Peter:** Can we just take a minute?_

_**Bale:** Let's not take a f#cking minute, let's go again!!_

_**Peter: **I gotta go pee, and I wanna walk around some more, but I wanna do it while the scene's going._

_**Bale:** You're unbelievable, man._

_**Peter:** You know, I just don't understand wh--_

_**Bale: **Ah, you don't f#cking understand what it's like working with actors, that's what that is._

_**Peter: **I don't-I don't think that's what that is..._

_**Bale: **That's what that is, man, I'm telling you!_

_**Peter:** Hey, my family's coming to town. Do you mind pretending that I'm the director?_

_**Bale:** I wanna f#cking kick your ass if you don't shut up for a second, all right?_

_**Peter:** Please don't hurt me, Mr. Bale!_

_**Bale: **I'm gonna go--You want me to go trash your f#cking lights!? Do you want me to f#cking trash 'em!?_

_**Peter:** No, I don't want you to trash 'em!_

_**Bale: **You do it one more f#cking time and I ain't walking on this set if you're still hired._

_**Peter:** Sorry, it's my first day._

_**Bale:** I'm f#cking serious. You're a nice guy. You're a nice guy._

_**Peter:** I don't feel like a nice guy._

_**Bale:** But that don't f#cking cut it when you're bullsh#ting and f#cking around like this on set._

_**Peter:** Jeez, you punch your mother with that mouth?_

_**Bale: **Seriously man, you and me, we're f#cking done professionally._

_**Peter:** Wait, just professionally? (gasps) Are you asking me out on a date!?_

_**Bale:** F#cking ass._

_(End Cutaway)_

"OK, girls." Peter said to the three superheroines. "I have brought you to my home state because I feel that your home city is not a great place to be raised if all you do is fly around like a bunch of tools protecting a bunch of immature retards. Now, my mission, while we're here, is to show you how you can have fun and still keep your responsibilities. So for the next 48 hours, you are all mine. And the only way you're leaving is if you learn the true meaning of childhood. That, or your city folks give me $40 grand in quarters. But in the meantime, your butts are mine. And if you're going to be hanging out with me, you'll need the proper tools." He pulled out from behind him three beer cans and a shotgun, fully loaded. He aimed the gun at their heads, causing them to scream.

"What's with the gun!?" Blossom shrieked.

"Oh. Well, the only way you'll know pain first hand is to experience it!" He then put the gun down. "That's why if you cut yourself, you'll just have to deal with it. I'm not gonna baby you and bandage it up for you like some nanny suck-up. Oh, and before I forget," He ran over to his car trunk, opened it, and pulled out his son, Stewie. He looked like he hadn't eaten all day, and he hadn't slept all day, and his shirt & overalls were pitch black. "This is my son, Stewie. I figured that I'd bring him along so there could be some sort of fatherly figure helping you guys along the way?"

"Oh yes, cause you've certainly shown us that you're not nearly as good as those other drunken, fat, high fathers out on the streets smoking weed. No, _you're better_." Stewie said in a tone of sarcasm. Bubbles started laughing, and Stewie got annoyed, but paid no attention to it. "Yeah, anybody that can sculpt an anus out of pure dark chocolate is pure genius. Except when you're an alcoholic. He's even shallower than a kiddie pool, even more physically handicapped than Steven Hawking, and if it weren't for the fact that he could kick my ass, I'd send him off to Canada and let Terrance and Philip deal with him!"

Stewie was so wrapped up in his little rant that he failed to realize that Bubbles was whispering something to Blossom. "Oh, alright, I'll tell him." She said and then turned to Stewie. "Bubbles thinks you're cute."

Bubbles started giggling while Stewie looked a bit mortified. "Really? Well, I was on the March 7th edition of 'Entertainment Weekly'. Although they did cancel that edition because they said my pose looked like I had something to do with 9/11."

"OK, and why are your overalls and shirt all black?"

"'Cause while he was washing my clothes, he "accidentally" dropped some black tye-dye in it and turned all my clothes black. I tell you, the first person that calls me an emo's gonna be hanged by their own testicle droppings."

"Now, girls, while you're here, Stewie will be like the fatherly figure of the group." Peter said.

"Then what does that make you? The mother?"

"Um, do you see me wearing a freakin' dress!?"

"No, but-"

"Well there's your answer. Now, I think the best way to start my mission would be to fnd out what's your "F" factor, the thing that makes you have fun."

"The "F" factor. Oh wow, how originally. _My ass_,"

"Now, down to business. Quick, without thinking, what is the most fun thing you can think of?"

"Actually, we made a whole list." Blossom said as she reached into her back pocket and pulled out a long piece of paper that rolled down from there to Canada, which, for some reason, at the moment, was on strike. "See? The ones written in Blue are for Bubbles, the Green for Buttercup, and the Red for me. Oh, and the activites that are _extra _fun, we wrote in purple!"

Peter examined the list for a moment, and had an expression on his face as if something was missing. "Hey, why isn't 'sexual intercourse' on this list? I mean, every five year old should know the proper way to handle a man's phallus OK, let's see what's first...'learn to ice skate'. OK, I can do that. I haven't ice-skated since last year's competition."

_(Cue Cutaway)_

_We cutaway to Peter about to step onto the ice-rink. He looks very confident in his abilities. Unfortunately, when he steps onto the ice, he instead goes into a split immediately, and desperately trying to stand up, goes in a complete 360o turn, and forms a hole in the ice, and falls through. The judges are not impressed, and even go as far as holding cards up, saying 'You suck!", "Get a job, you homo!", and "Shoulda settled with politics!"_

_(End Cutaway)_

* * *

Meanwhile, in Townsville, the Griffin family & Professor Jonathan Utonium, were having their own problems. The Professor, obviously, was stressing over his girls being in Rhode Island with Peter, while the others were stressing over Peter.

They were all gathered in Professor Utonium's house, waiting for his return with the Powerpuff Girls.

"I can't believe Peter would sink to this kind of level." Lois said, sulking on the couch.

"UM, excuse me, Lois, have you ever met him?" Brian retorted back. "He does this all the time? Or don't you remember the time he stole a parrot and caused hell in Quahog? The time he put a curse on the family with an Indian skull? Or how about when he scammed the government out of $150,000?"

"That was an accident, Brian. All he did wrong was keep the money."

"Oh yeah. Bad example. OH! OK, uh, how about when he was on _Hell's Kitchen_?"

_(Cue Cutaway)_

_We cut to Chef Gordon Ramsey, taking a bite out of a signature dish created by Peter Griffin. His dish consisted of pancakes made entirely out of relish, covered in syrup, mustard, and apparently, either three weeks worth of his own sperm, or expired mayo._

_The taste was so terrible it caused Chef Ramsey to gag and throw it up. "Ugh, whose sh#t is this!?"_

_"That would be mine, sir." Peter said as he stepped up to Gordon._

_"OK, what the hell is this sh#t?"_

_"Um, this is my original recipe. It's what I call 'Pancake Avalanche'. It's a baker's dozen pancakes stacked into one, covered entirely of relish,"_

_"Mm-hmm."_

_"Mustard..."_

_"Uh-huh."_

_"And sperm."_

_Chef Ramsey vomitted again. "What!?"_

_"Oh, yeah, I cover my food with sperm sometimes!?"_

_"Are you trying to give me a f#cking heart attack with this disaster you call a meal? What the f#ck is it with you!?"_

_"Well, I'd rather not say, but if you must know, I'm performing a science experiment with sperm. I'm trying to see if men can have babies naturally by just consuming men's sperm."_

_"W-What...?"_

_Peter then broke out into hysterical laughter. He could not for the life of him control it. "Oh, I'm just f#cking with you, man! No, no, a-actually, I'm in a bet wtih Quagmire. H-H-He-He bet me $200 that I couldn't knock up a man by making them eat my own junk before I left here. So-So even though you spit out that crap, y-you could end up a daddy next year!! O-A-Actually now that I think about it, that would make you a **mommy**. HAHAHAHAHA!"_

_(End Cutaway)_

Just then, the Powerpuff Girls's phone, called the hotline, rang, and the Professor went to answer it. "Hello? Oh, it's you mayor. A giant monster? Well, I'm sorry to tell you this, but my girls aren't home right now. In fact, they're out of the state. The-" But before he finished, the mayor had hung up the phone, and only seconds later, some FBI agents along with the mayor broke into the house through the windows.

"What do ya mean they're 'our of the state'!?" The Mayor yelled at the Professor.

"That would be my husband's doing, your, um, mayor-ness." Lois said to him. "You see, I have an idiot problem."

He stared for a moment, not a word spoken. "Is it your butler?" He finally said after a long and annoying silenve, causing Lois to glare.

* * *

While she was busy with him, Peter was busy with our three superheroines. Right now, he was with Blossom watching the famous opera "War and Peace" written by some Chinese man. They were almost halfway through it and while Blossom seemed to enjoy it, Peter was practically suicidal. That is, until his cellphone rang.

"Hello?"

"_Hey, Peter, what's up?"_

"Oh hey Quagmire. Not much, I'm just at the opera with this little skeeze. (Blossom). I'm telling you, Quagmire, this girl I'm with, she-she's such a cow, if she's even a girl. 'Cause without her bow she almost looks like a transsexual, and I'm getting tired of defending her."

_"Oh, I know exactly what you mean. I banged a chick that was just like that last night."_

"Wow."

"_Hey, this opera sucks, doesn't it?"_

"Yeah, it d-wait, how do you know which opera I'm watching? I never said which one?"

"_Look across."_

Peter put his phone down and looked across the balcony, seeing Quagmire wave frantically at him. "Oh my god, we're at the opera together. Oh my god!"

"_Oh my god, we should totally text each other. Hang up! Hang up!"_

Peter hung up his phone and awaited Quagmire's text message, which he couldn't help but laugh at. Then Peter started texting Quagmire, and he ended up laughing at it.

* * *

After that, Peter took Bubbles to see 'Barney on Ice'. Peter wasn't so skeptical about taking her to the performance, as much as he was about Bubbles wanting to take Stewie. While there, he met up with another friend, Cleveland.

"This sucks, Cleveland. 2 1/2 hours of this douchebag skating around, prancing about like a man-whore. God, I thought I rid of this dino-douche when I was like, 21 years old."

"It's sad to think that kids actually like this." Cleveland replied drly.

"I-It's like, I just don't get what he's all about. Is he gay or something."

"Probably. But it's just the way he acts that makes me prefer your documentary on "The Five Stages between Fat People and Quicksand" over this garbage. I found your acting to be quite convincing."

"Cleveland," Peter started, putting his beer down. "I hate to break this to you, but I wasn't acting."

"You weren't."

"Nope."

_(Cue Cutaway)_

**_Stage 1: Denial_**

_"Well, it-it's no big deal." Peter quietly said to himself. "Th-This probably isn't even quicksand. I-I'll have a good laugh with the guys about this tonite. Yeah, ahahaha...haha...ha...ohh, boy."_

**_Stage 2: Anger_**

_"Well this is just f#cking perfect! I finally get a f#cking damn promotion at work and all I have to do to get it is to get to work on time, but NO! I gt stuck in Quicksand. Stupid jungle, I wanna punch someone in the nuts! Motherf#ck! MOTHERF#CK!** MOTHERF#CK!** Ahh, f#ck!! Stupid jungle! AHH, F#CK!"_

**_Stage 3: Barganing_**

_"Um, um OK, G-God! Yes, God." Peter shouted to the heavens. "If you can hear me -- it's me, Peter. Listen, if you get me the hell out of this Quicksand, I promise...I promise I will never make fun of Joe in his wheelchair again. Although I can't say the same for Cleveland for being Black."_

**_Stage 4: Depression_**

_Title self explanitory._

**_Stage 5: Acceptance_**

_"You know something? I'm cool with this. Yeah, I've lived a good life. Besides, heaven's probably got so many sex dolls and pornography that I'll never need Lois again. Yeah. Take me, sweet death! I await your loving embrace!" But just as he was about to accept his fate, he suddenlt hit the bottom. "W-What? I think I hit the bottom!" He struggled and strained to get out, but to no avail. His head was barely sticking out while his feet were planted on the bottom. "F#CK!"_

_(End Cutaway)_

**End of Chaper 3.**

**Next Time: Townsville Revolts against Peter! But will a surprise from an old enemy give him another chance to shine? Or screw it up?**

**Expected Update: April 11th.**


	4. A Little Brains Never Hurt

**Family Guy's Extra Special Road Trip (Season 1)**

**Episode 2: Peter's Best Super Powered Adventure Ever**

**Chapter 4: A Little Brains Never Hurt**

**Disclaimer: _The Powerpuff Girls_ and_ Family Guy _do not belong to me. They belong to Craig McCracken and Seth MacFarlane respectively.**

**TV-PG-DLV**

* * *

While Peter was having difficulties enjoying what the girls had in store for him, back in Townsville, things were much worse.

The mayor had assembled the entire police force to the Utonian household after receiving a call that the Powerpuff Girls were missing.

"Excuse me, Mr. Mayor?" Lois asked the Mayor of Townsville. "But, is it really necessary to have to kill my husband just because he stole your town's protectors."

"Why, absolutely." He said cheerfully. "Ever since they were created, they devoted their lives to protecting us. Now since your idiot husband captured them and took them to Townsville, it's our job to get them back."

"So you'd kill my husband just to get three five-year old mutants back?"

"That's the idea."

"You're a sick man."

"Why thank you, miss. I take great pride in making sure I'm the best mayor ever."

* * *

Back in Rhode Island, Peter had given up entirely on trying to show the girls a good time. He had realized he was not getting anywhere with it, since everything he did either had him being chased out or beat up.

So finally, he just loaded them up into his car, buckled them in, and decided to take them back into Townsville.

"Well, this plan was a bust." Peter said sadly. "I thought I'd be able to -- you know, show you how much fun you can have outside. But I guess I was wrong. I guess you girls will always be the stuck up bitches you always were. I guess I should've learned_ that_ lesson after my little "Hot air Balloon" incident.

_(Cue Cutaway)_

_We cutaway to the outside of the Griffin home. The inside is filled with a hot air balloon, and Peter is outside with a power tool. Peter then steps in his house._

_"And away we go." He said smugly as the house suddenly took off. It got off to about 10 feet off the ground and then started heading forward towards Cleveland's house, to where it crashed. _

_The entire front of Cleveland's house was destroyed when it crashed into it, and as the house continued on, the debree from his house fell. It revealed that he was in the bathtub when it crashed into his house, and when it fell, so did the debree holding up the floorboard._

_"What the hell!?" Cleveland screamed as the floorboard started tipping towards the ground and his bathtub started sliding. "No, no, NO, NO, NO, **NO!**" He yelled as his bathtub with him in it fell to the ground, the tub breaking in the process. "I can't feel my legs!"_

_"Welcome to the party, pal!" Joe Swanson yelled from his house._

_Cleveland wiggled his legs, regaining the feeling back in them. "No wait, there they are."_

_"Aww!"_

_(End Cutaway)_

"Oh well, at least I can't say I didn't try." Peter mumbled as he put the car in reverse and slammed on the brakes. Unfortunately, he hit them so hard he accidentally crashed into Cleveland's house

The entire front of Cleveland's house was destroyed when he crashed the car into it, and when he did, the debree from his house fell. It revealed that he was in the bathtub when the car crashed into his house, and as Peter moved away, the debree holding up the floorboard started falling.

"What the hell!?" Cleveland screamed as the floorboard started tipping towards the ground and his bathtub started sliding. "No, no, NO, NO, NO, **NO!**" He yelled as his bathtub with him in it fell to the ground, the tub breaking in the process. Peter and the three powerpuffs each got out of the car slowly and walked up to Cleveland sitting on the ground, naked. Buttercup flew up to the destroyed home, broke off the towel rack, brought it down, and whacked Cleveland's head with it, finishing the job.

"Now girls, here's a lesson about the real world. When the cops asks us about this..."

"It was a white guy, and he was drunk." Buttercup responded, and was praised with a pat on the head.

"Good girl. OK, let's get the hell out of here. People may start to get suspicious."

* * *

Of coure as you could imagine, the people in Townsville already were suspicious. In fact, they had already prepared for his return with them. The townspeople were gathered near Peter's house, guns in hand, and formed a blockade of people, blocking off one part of the street so he wouldn't be able to get in. The mayor was leading the blockade.

"Alright, gents. That two-timing traitor could be coming up any minute. Ready your firearms." The mayor commanded his blockade of people. There were at least 500 people blocking the road.

Unfortunately, while they did prepare for his arrival, they were only facing one direction in the street, and failed to realize that Peter had come up the other side of the street. The people had put his house under lock down, so he couldn't get in.

"Um, excuse me, sirs?" He called to some of the people in the blockade. They looked over and realized it was him standing there. "My-My house is locked, I can't get in. So-So does anyone have, like, a power saw I can borrow to get in, or maybe $2,000 so I can buy some dynamite and blow the f#cking door down."

The townspeople looked at Peter like he was some sort of magician.

"Amazing."

"We blocked off this part of the street."

"He went behind us like, some sort of magic person or something."

"So, does that mean you'll give me money?"

"Hell no!" One of them shouted as they started nearing him angrily. Peter started backing up towards his home, as Bubbles, Blossom, Buttercup, and Stewie exited the car.

"It looks like they're going to hurt him." Bubbles commented. While the girls grew worried, Stewie rejoiced.

"Well, it looks like the universe just hands you a freebie, eh? Eh?" He nudged Blossom's shoulder to see if he'd get a reaction. He got none at all. "Oh, forget it, you don't care."

The folks kept moving towards Peter, causing him to start flinching, though it wasn't because he was scared. "Hey, hey what's the big idea, here?" He asked them. "So I took the girls away for a few days. It-It was just to show them there's more to life than having to baby you assholes. It's not like I killed them or raped 'em or anything like that!"

"Well, no," The mayor said. "But because you did, we went two whole days without our heroes, and looks what our fair city has reduced to!" The mayor and everyone else turned to downtown and showed them that in the powerpuff girls' absence, the city has gone from bad to worse, with buildings burned down to the ground, streets destroyed, lights blown out, the whole thing.

"So what? You gave your city a Boston Red Sox makeover, what's the big deal?"

"No, you idiot! Our town has been run over by super evil villains!"

"I don't know exactly what that means, but because of it, our shows tonight were cancelled!" Frank said to Peter in anger. "We are out $20,000 because of you!"

"Oh, so now it's _my_ fault!?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

"You know what, screw you guys! You know, if I had to, I could do their jobs a thousand times better than these girls could!" Peter shouted to them, confident in what he said.

"Not for nothing, dude, but you couldn't do our jobs to save your life!" Blossom intervened.

"See, there you go, being all uptight again. I could totally do your job!"

"Really?" Blossom took a quick look around and saw their #1 enemy, Mojo Jojo, and his big laser beam, passing by. "I bet you couldn't defeat _him_!" She shouted, pointing towards Mojo.

"Not only will I, I'll kick his balls into next week! Dwayne Johnson won't know what hit him!"

"I'd like to see yo-wait, what?"

"Yeah, he's Dwayne Johnson, isn't he? Oh, no wait, wait, wait, he's-he's-he's-he's Will Ferrel, isn't he? I knew it!" Peter pushed Blossom out of the way and set his sights on Mojo. "Hey, hey monkey boy! Hey you! Dwayne! Dwayne! Ov-Over here! I-I'm calling you, buddy, answer me! Hey Tarzan's bitch!" He yelled to Mojo. Mojo's attention was grabbed when he heard "Monkey boy", but everything else was just not right to him, so he marched over to Peter.

"Who is this "Dwayne" you speak of!? I am Mojo Jojo, supreme evil villain of Townsville! My soul purpose in life is to destroy the Powerpuff Gir-"

"Hey, I loved you at the Kids Choice Awards last night, dude! You were great! I-I especially loved how you dressed up as that prostitute Miley Cyrus, oh my god that was hilarious! It was so hilarious I actually soiled myself! And I don't usually do that unless I'm freaked the f#ck out, like the time I went on that blind date with that stick figure."

_(Cue Cutaway)_

_We cutaway to Peter sitting at a restaurant table with his blind date, which in this case, is a stick figure._

_"So, uh...h-how would this work...i-in bed?" Peter asks the stick figure._

_"Well, I can't do sex. But I can give you a stick job."_

_"That....uh, that sounds..."_

_"Yes, it is unpleasant."_

_(End Cutaway)_

"Look, for the last time, I don't know what you're talking ab-"

But instead of listening to Mojo, Peter proceeded to kick him in his testicles. Mojo fell to the ground, clutching his balls in pain, and dropping his gun. Peter then turned to everyone else. "See, how hard is it to do that? Huh? How hard is it to do _that_ to someone? If this was "Kicked in the Nuts", you'd all be laughing at this. This was the easiest thing I've ever done except for when I tried to tame that wild beast."

_(Cue Cutaway)_

_We cutaway to somewhere in Australia, where Peter finds a wild lion that's trying to sleep peacefully. Peter picks up a stick and starts jabbing it at the lion._

_"Hey. Hey there, Mr. Lion. Hey? Whatcha' Doin'? Trying to sleep, ha?" Peter says as continues jabbing the stick at the lion's mouth. "I'm jabbing a stick at your mouth and you don't even realize it. You know, this is kinda like oral sex. You know, the stick is pointy, like a penis, and I'm jabbing it at your mouth, so it's kinda like we're doing it. Right? We're having sex?"_

_The lion suddenly wakes up without warning, and scratches Peter's face hard, causing him to bleed. Peter drops the stick and starts screaming hysterically as he clutches his face, trying to stop the bleeding._

_(End Cutaway)_

"Look, I still don't see the big deal in this. All I did was try to show them a good time. It's not _their_fault your crappy city's been run over by Jews and whores. It-It's not their fault that you people can't defend yourselves. It's not their fault that there are Jews out there who can't stand the way they live because of our economy, so they steal money from the banks to pay off their morgages. It-It's your fault!"

"Oh right!" One of them said sarcastically. "And who possibly is going to listen to that!?"

"I am!" Brian shouted as he stepped in, defending Peter. "This man may be no less than an idiot, but he's absolutely right. It's your responsibility as people of this city to protect yourselves too. You can't just rely on a trio of grade-schoolers to do the work for you."

"Oh, so you're taking _his_ side, now!?"

"Yes. Yes I am. He's my best friend, after all."

"Wow. And what do _you_ have? HIV!?" The man started hysterically laughing, though nobody joined in because it was a cruel and inhumane joke. One of the others even tried to get him to stop.

"Dude, do you even know what the hell you just said?"

"No, why?" The man then had something whispered into his ear, and after having a shocked and disgusted expression on his face...he shot himself in the mouth. Everyone gasped except for the Griffin family.

"Wow, now there's something you don't see everyday." Peter said outloud after a long silence. "I guess that's what you get for falsely pointing fingers. Oh, by the way," Peter held up his middle finger to the mayor. "F#ck you."

"Me!? This is all _your_ fault!"

"OK, that's it! You're f#cking dead meat!" Peter then ran up to the mayor, picked him up, and started punching him in the face with his free hand. Soon some of the townspeople started joining in, hitting Peter with their weapons and their fists, while Peter tried desperately to fight back. He was losing miserably to them, and no one of the Griffin family wanted to help.

In fact, Brian and Stewie couldn't help but share a cocktail in victory.

"Man, this is the best!"

"I know! I've been waiting for this day my entire life!" Stewie said in joy as he sipped his cocktail. He then spit it out. "Ew, god, this is disgusting! How can the fatman drink this stuff?"

"When you're young, you do stupid stuff. Bottom line."

"Well he really should lay off the Hwhiskey for a while."

"Well if he quits drinking, he's going to start smoking cr--wait, what?"

"He needs to lay off the Hwhiskey. He drinks way too much Hwhiskey, and that's what makes him do stupid stuff. If he cuts back on the Hwhiskey, we wouldn't get into these kinds of situations everyday."

"Why are you saying it weird like that?"

"Saying it like what? I'm saying he needs to cut down on the Hwhiskey."

"Say 'Wisconsin'."

"Wisconsin."

"Now say 'Whiskey'."

"Hwhiskey."

"Whiskey."

"Hwhiskey."

"Whiskey."

"Hwhiskey."

"Whiskey!"

"Hwhiskey."

"Dumbass."

"Oh there you go, being such a killjoy again." Stewie takes out some pie and Cool Whip. "Here, share some pie with me. I'll even throw in some free Cool Hwhip."

Brian glared at Stewie angrily for a moment, shoved the pie in his face, and then stormed away.

* * *

Peter's fight with the townspeople left him with many bumps and bruises. So many, in fact, that he had to be transferred to the hospital unconscious. The family along with the Powerpuff Girls, the Professor, and many of the citizens of Townsville gathered around his bedside.

After about 4 hours of waiting, Peter finally came to, and as soon as his vision cleared up, so did his confusion.

"Wh-Wh-What the hell's going on?"

"You're in the hospital, Peter." Brian replied. "You got into a fight with these idiots and they knocked you unconscious."

"O-Oh yeah, now I remember. You guys got angry that I stole your heroes out of town so you beat the crap out of me."

"Yeah." The Mayor replied.

"So what, are you here to rub it in my face?"

"No, we came here to apologize, and to see if you were alright." The Mayor's statement definitely took Peter by surprise. "Look, while you were in a coma, the city and I gathered together and talked about what had happened. And while we stand by that what you did was out of line, we realize that we overreacted to it, and we should've just let bygones be bygones."

Peter was still in surprise. "We-Well, that's very mature of you to do. And although I still stand by that I was trying to do the right thing, I might've gone a bit overboard with my antics. So...I'm ready to own up to my sins, too."

"Well, Peter, that's very bold of you." The Professor added, just like everyone else, completely oblivious to what Peter actually meant.

"I signed your daughter and I up for this band made up of Bongo Drums and we have a performance tonight."

"Really? T-That's not much of a sin."

"Not except for the fact that your daughter's ass _is_ the Bongo Drum."

With those words spoken, the Professor's tone immediately changed. "W-Wh-What!? What the f#ck were you thinking?"

"Um, I was thinking it would save me $2.99 at the convenience store because I spent the rest on booze."

"Well which one of my daughters is it?"

"The pink one. I remember because the band was playing for a convention of stuffiet, uptight girls, and I thought she'd relate to them well enough for it not to seem harassing."

"Do you even listen to yourself when you talk?" Brian asked him.

"I drift in and out. Anway, we go on in an hour, so if you could just get her ready for it, that would be great."

Everyone stood in silence for a moment. Afterwards, all of the townspeople left the room in disgust, leaving only the girls, the Professor, Brian, Lois, Chris, Meg, and Stewie in the room.

"Well, Peter, I hope you're proud of yourself." Lois said finally. "Because of what you did, you made this the worst episode of "Family Guy" ever."

"Yeah, we got cancelled back in '02, and our episodes weren't nearly half as bad as this one was." Meg pointed out.

"Exactly."

"Well, maybe this is a good thing." Stewie said. "Maybe this is a good thing."

"What?" Brian asked.

"Every show always has at least _one_ episode that's just plain terrible. You know, no good jokes, no plotlines, just two guys and a closet. Maybe this was ours. I mean, it could've been tons better, but you get my point, right?"

"Yeah, I think so."

"Yeah, that's what we call an "Abortion episode"."

"Well Peter, we're going downstairs to get something to eat. You want anything?"

"No, I'm good."

Lois, Brian, Meg, Chris, Buttercup, Blossom, and the Professor left the room, leaving Stewie & Bubbles in there. "Hey, Brian, could you bring me back some Cool Hwhip for my piece of pie." Stewie called, but Brian ignored him and slammed the door on his way out. "Well fine, you don't have to be such a jerk about it." Stewie scoffed as he took out a crossword puzzle and started doing it. "OK, let's see..."a 7-letter word for a female confused about her sexual identity". Who the hell do they think they're fooling? It's a lesbian, of course."

Stewie began to fill in the letters as soft squeak noises were heard. He wasn't sure what they were, and everytime he looked around to see what it was, all he saw was a stuffed bear near him on the bed. And everytime he tried to get back to the puzzle, Bubbles would pop up from the side of the bed, and push the bear closer to him. Finally, Stewie simply gave up. "OK, for the last f#cking time, you're never going to be mine!"

"Why not!?" She shouted, frustrated, as she climbed up onto the bed with him. "Why are you being so distantly cold."

"Um...well, let's see. You're 5, and I'm 1. If you called me your boyfriend in public, not only would you make a complete fool of yourself, but you would also be considered a pedophile by president Obama. Now do you want that or not?"

"No..."

"H-He-Hey, blue girl!" Peter said, now incredibly intoxicated from drinking 12 beers in the time they were talking. "I-I-I was just laying here, right, and I thought of a new song. C-Can I please use your ass as a bongo drum so I could practice it."

This right there caused Bubbles to cringe in fear and confusion. Stewie wasn't surprised and simply shook his head.

"What did I tell you earlier?" He said to Bubbles. "Too much Hwhiskey. This is all because of the Hwhiskey he drinks." Stewie never looked up once while he was talking. Otherwise, he would've seen Bubbles's confused epression.

"The what?"

**The End.**

**OK, I know it's probably the worst ending to any of my stories ever. But I decided to make this one an "Abortion episode". You know, a crappy one so I wouldn't have to delete it and re-write it. I assure you the next one will be 1000x better!**

**Next Time: The Griffins' next stop is in the one and only South Park. There, Peter causes a rucus, as usual, and all the while, having revealed a secret that doesn't really sit well with Kyle and Stewie.**

**Expected Update: April 30th.**


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